Not Even At All
by XxBrownEyedGrlxX
Summary: Cat makes Jade watch a certain movie at a sleepover, and as is to be expected, Jade hates it. However, during one of the most famous scenes, Jade wonders if she REALLY hates a certain boy for what he did.


**Very spur of the moment fic. I myself just recently connected how some of the characters from Victorious and TTIHAY are, so I decided to take the poem at the end and Bade-ify it :D**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Victorious I wouldn't be writing FF right now, I'd be wallowing in cash XD**

Of all the things Jade hated, cheesy teenage romantic comedies were among the top. Cat, on the other hand, loved them. And because Jade was her best friend, _who_ had she asked to watch the mother of all cheesy teen movies with her? Not Tori, who probably would have loved this movie, not Robbie, who she had a crush on, but her. The one who despised this movie more than anything. She admired the character of Kat. Or at least she _did_ before she went head over heels for the foreign mysterious guy with great hair.

And she had so much promise, too. The badass who didn't care what anybody thought. And then she met Patrick and it all went downhill. Of course, Jade knew better than anyone that it wouldn't end well. She hadn't even seen this movie before and she already knew where it was going. In her mind she kept yelling at the only character she didn't hate to kick him in the groin and walk away. She knew it would do no good, but she did it anyway.

Surprisingly, Jade had hardly realized the similarities between herself and Kat until much later in the movie. Then there was Patrick and Beck, the mysterious hotties, Bianca and Cat, the bubbly nice girls, Cameron and Robbie, the nerdy boys who wanted them. Even before she made the connections she was still rooting for Kat to kick Patrick to the curb, but perhaps it was just her subconscious talking.

She was letting her own bias get in the way of watching the actual movie. Because, as we all know, Jade is bitter. However, she told herself she would have hated it either way, so she was free to judge unfairly as she pleased, she figured, as she played around with a pair of dark blue scissors in her hands. Cat sat on the floor next to her, leaning against the couch as she nibbled on a piece of pizza, watching the movie and commenting every now and again about random things. Jade had decided to drown out the movie before she threw her scissors through her own flat screen in frustration. It was almost over anyway.

However, when the most famous scene in the movie made its way onto the screen, her attention was torn from her favorite pair of scissors and put onto the movie, almost as if against her will.

It was a sappy poem scene, just what she needed right now, she mused as she rolled her eyes. Kat began to speak and Jade half-listened.

_I hate the way you talk to me _

Wow. Poetic. If she hated his stupid voice so much why did she even go out with him in the first place? Accents were dumb anyways, Jade didn't get why every girl loved them. Although, she had to admit. She hated Beck's nonchalant, totally cool way of speaking when they first met. She was used to boys being afraid of her, and there he was acting like she was nothing new. It caught her by surprise at first. And yet, it had intrigued her. For all her backhanded insults and hollow threats, he didn't even bat an eyelash. She liked it.

Y'know, back _then_.

_and the way you cut your hair. _

Okay…fine. She'd give her that. The guy's hair was pretty annoying. And again, she'd once thought the same about Beck. His perfectly poofy hair always annoyed her. She'd always say it looked like a black squirrel curled up and died on his head. However, she'd grown to love it. She loved to run her fingers through it when they kissed, or for no reason at all. She used to love curling it around her fingers to bug him. And whenever he wore a hat, she'd take it off and throw it in the bushes, look up at him and say _"You're not wearing that."_ And he'd roll his eyes and drape his arm around her as they walked, leaving his hat on the ground where they were.

After a while he stopped wearing them.

But _now, _she could care less what head accessories he wore.

_I hate the way you drive my car. _

By now she'd stopped thinking about the movie. Everything coming out of Kat's mouth was now nothing. When the words hit her ears she wouldn't connect them with Kat and Patrick, she'd connect them with Beck and Jade. She hated it, but she couldn't stop. Each word spoke to her, bringing up new memories.

She remembered the long drives they'd take in her car. Well, her father's car. The wind would blow through their hair, and they'd pull over in the middle of nowhere to make out for an undetermined amount of time. Then drive again, for hours sometimes with no real destination in mind. Now that she thought about it, it sounded like a scene from one of the cheesy teen movies she so loathed. But at the moment she couldn't exactly bring herself to care all that much.

_I hate it when you stare._

The looks he'd send her in class when their relationship was at its peak always made her shudder. His intense dark eyes bore into hers as if to say _I want you_. She'd be paying attention in science or drama, only to sneak a peek at him for a split second. It was never just a second, though. They'd hold each other's gaze, seeing who would be the first to look away. She'd often be the one to lose. Rolling her light green gems as if she was annoyed by his looks of longing and going back to her notes or her scene. But in reality, their little staring contests were the highlight of her classes, sometimes even her days. Sometimes she wondered if she loved their gazing more than their kissing.

Not that that mattered anymore. She hated him now that was that.

_I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind. _

She _did_ loathe his combat boots. They were her trademark thing, as was the entire 'Goth' look. However, when she heard his reasons for wearing them it made her smile a little. When he first started asking her out, she was rather annoyed by it. He wouldn't give up, and as the story goes she gave in eventually. But before that, when Jade was in a rather heinous mood, she stomped on his foot with her own combat boots once. Poor Beck had been wearing converse at the time and they did little to protect him from her wrath. Every day after that when he asked her out, he worse steel toed combat boots.

About a year ago, Jade asked why he still wore them. He responded with a simple '_because they remind me of you'_ and after that she never complained about them again.

_I hate you much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. _

_I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. _

Beck, the noble handsome guy who always did what was right. It seemed laughable that he'd chosen a girl who always looked on the dark side of things. Made fun of people, hurt people, yelled at people. All things he didn't condone, or do, were some of her favorite past times. But somehow, he made her the tiniest bit better when he was around. She could count all their arguments that she had won (when he was actually arguing with her) on one hand. The fact of the matter was that with every fight, she knew he was right.

(_Oh good God, now I really AM rhyming!)_

He knew how to keep her in check, and she knew when to tell him to stuff his happy attitude. That had always been their dynamic, and it worked. No complaints no lose ends, until a few weeks ago when it all came and smacked them both in the face. Then suddenly Mr. Right found out he was too good for the pessimistic dark chick.

She hated him for it.

_I hate it when you lie. _

'_Tell me something you like'_

'_Like, or love?'_

'_Love'_

'_You'_

There was his lie. All the 'I love you's' were lies. All the sweet little moments they had that Jade had secretly loved were lies. She hated him for lying to her. Being the first person to worm their way into Jade's heart (followed by Cat). And being the second person to break it (The first was her father).

Not that she cared anymore. She was over it…

_I hate when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. _

All the emotions she didn't feel before he came along. Happiness, sadness, fear…she hated them. Jade hated a lot of things, but emotions were at the top. Especially when Beck made her feel them. When he'd crack a corny joke, when he'd playfully tickle her, when he insulted someone (What? That was funny to Jade!) She'd crack a laugh, something she did not do often, if at all. Whenever they went through one of their break-ups she'd cry. Whenever she'd see him flirting with some other girl, she'd get upset. After he'd humiliated her by kissing Vega on stage she cried. She never told anyone that, not even Cat. Beck was the only person who knew, hell, he was the only person in the world to see her cry for as long as she could remember!

Now? Now he was just another person who knew she secretly had feelings.

_I hate it that you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. _

Yes. She hated that she had to act like she didn't know him in order to keep from losing it. She hated that they'd hardly said two words to each other since they broke up. But you know what she hated the most? The fact that he didn't open the damn door. Screw calling her at 2:00 on her birthday, when he didn't open the door she knew it was over, for good. She was going to open it herself, but she'd look like an idiot. And that wasn't her job! He was supposed to be the one to open the door and run after her! _He'd_ ended their relationship, not her! Opening a door was so simple, but he couldn't put in the effort, not even for her. His girlfriend of over 2 years, was worthless enough to throw away in ten little seconds.

Okay, maybe she was still upset about it a little bit.

_But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. _

And maybe she didn't hate him…

_Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all._

Maybe…maybe she loved him. Maybe she still wished he was here. Maybe she wished he still loved her the way she knew she would always love him.

"Jade…Jade!" Cat said, worriedly looking at her zoned-out friend.

"What?" She yelled, looking back at Cat. God, she needed to get out of here. She needed to be alone.

"The movies over, what do you wanna do now?" she asked.

"I gotta go do something." She said, sounding rather bored, but inside she was dying to leave. She got up from her spot on the floor and flung the door open.

"But…this is your house, what am I supposed to do while you're gone?" Cat asked, confused.

"I dunno! Stare at the wall, take a nap, I don't care!" She said.

"KayKay!" She said happily.

"I'll be back later." Within a second the door was slammed, leaving a very confused Cat behind.

**What is Jade going to do? I dunno, probably talk to Beck XD Chances are there won't be a part 2 of this from me. If you want to write one where they reconcile be my gues, but I've done that already XDD but I find it safe to say that if this WERE to continue, Bade would at least talk things out XP**


End file.
